


Smile

by orphan_account



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Friends to Lovers, M/M, Trans Poe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-03
Updated: 2016-04-03
Packaged: 2018-05-31 00:14:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6447718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He lets the water scald his traitorous body and vows the next thing he says to Finn will be the words he is avoiding.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Smile

 Poe doesn't want this to end badly.

He curses himself for letting this anxiety take over his life, but it's hard to stay focused when every time he sees Finn he's reminded of what he is hiding.

 It doesn't help, either, that Poe can feel himself  _falling_ for Finn. He starts to withdraw, going on every long haul mission he can find, so he can lose himself in the thrum of his fighter and the comforting endless backdrop of space, instead of imagining the expression of horror on Finn's face when he finally says it.

 It's late one night after Poe returns from a particularly long mission that he finds Finn is still awake in his room.

 Swallowing back nausea and the nagging voice in his head asking if he's going to chicken out again this time, Poe offers Finn as genuine a smile he can muster and heads to the refresher quick as he can before Finn's answering smile makes his heart beat any faster.

 He lets the water scald his traitorous body and vows the next thing he says to Finn will be the exact words he is avoiding.

 Poe takes a deep breath, dresses himself for bed and steps out into their shared room.

 "Hey, Poe," Finn says warmly. He's propped up on his elbows, no shirt, and that stupid beautiful grin on his face that Poe doesn't deserve.

 "Hey, Finn; d'ya miss me?" the pilot asks cheekily. Simultaneously breaking the vow for the fiftieth time.

 "Yes, I did."

That's another thing about Finn. He's so disarmingly honest, so emotionally open. 

 "Are you okay? How did the mission go?"

 "It was fine. Tiring, having to fly for so long, but otherwise it was easy enough, just had to pick up some weapons."

 "You must be really tired, Poe, you should get some sleep," Finn tells him earnestly. He moves to turn off the light.

 "Wait."

Finn pauses. Poe's heart is in his throat. This is it.

 "Finn, I- I have something to tell you."

Finn sits up, blinks a little. Poe has to look away from him; oh,  _Force,_ he can't do this, he can't-

 "What is it?"

Poe is so scared. He doesn't want to ruin his relationship with Finn. He wishes he wasn't like this, wishes everything wasn't so complicated.

 "I'm transgender."

He thinks he should feel relieved, like a weight has been lifted off him, but he doesn't. He feels no different. And Finn is just staring at him.

 "I... I don't know what that means," he whispers.

 This is awful. Now Poe's upset Finn, and he can't bring himself to explain and  _fuck,_ he's crying. 

 "Poe? I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Poe, I'm sorry," Finn panics. He's there, climbing up to sit beside Poe, pulling him into a tentative hug.

 "Basically," Poe says, voice cracking as he buries his head into Finn's shoulder, "I wasn't... born male. I was born as a girl. And now I'm... not."

 Finn cards his fingers through his friend's hair, sighing deeply.

 "I love you," he murmurs.

Poe stills. He lets out a shuddering breath, fresh tears spilling down his face. 

 "I love you too, Finn-" his voice is shaking, "I love you so much, I-"

 He is cut off by Finn pressing their lips together. It is chaste but perfect, and Poe thinks he might just die of happiness.

 "Sleep here," he pleads softly. A slow smile spreads across Finn's face. He gets up to turn off the light and slides back into the bed. Poe holds him, revelling in this surreal moment. 

"How long have you been keeping that in?" Finn asks gently.

 "A while," Poe admits. It's easier to talk in the dark, to mumble against Finn's skin. "I didn't want to ruin everything between us."

 "Damn you," Finn laughs hopelessly, and Poe can't help but give a sheepish smile. "I wouldn't even mind if you had tentacles down there-"

 " _Force,_ no," Poe interrupts darkly, and they snigger.

 "-you're still Poe. I love you, man," Finn continues, and Poe can tell that stupid wonderful grin is back in place.


End file.
